Sentimental Journey

SENTIMENTAL JOURNEY

July 5, 2009

            "Mom, what are we doing for Mike's big 50?" my daughter, Cindy, inquired.  She is the eldest of my 5 children, followed by 4 brothers.  On her 50th birthday several years ago, her brothers wanted to do something special for her.  They each wrote her a letter, sharing some of their memories with her, and included a few pictures.  Her brother Mike put everything together in an album.  It was quite touch and is deeply cherished.

            When Kevin turned 50, he and his family had just moved to Missouri.  Not long after this move, his wife, Ellen, was diagnosed with incurable brain cancer.  She spent her last months in a hospital bed in their living room.  She knew it would be her last birthday with him and, from her bed, planned a surprise for him and sought our help.  His favorite food had been Combine's pasta sauce and Yuengling beer.  Combines don't sell their sauce, but after we told them the circumstances, they graciously supplied us with several quarts.  We carefully wrapped the case of beer and sent it to Missouri.  We made him the traditional album, with letters and pictures.  Then we all flew there, with the album and sauce, to celebrate this happy/sad day with them.

            Now we needed something special for Mike.  Again we all wrote letters.  Cindy suggested the highlight might be a surprise tour through the Sharpsville Pierce Avenue home where they all grew up.  It was actually the original Murray homestead.  My husband was born there and grew up there with his 5 siblings.  The yard had several terraces which, I am told, were hand shoveled and formed by my husband's father.  The empty lot on the side of the house was a constant ball field for my husband in his youth, and again for my children.

            The present owners were very gracious about our intrusion, which had been planned several months before.  Walking up the front steps and onto our beloved porch was heart stopping.  Quite a few changes had been made, of course, and all for the better.  I did not see the flowered wallpaper now in the living room-I saw the pale green walls and my son Pat sitting in a slip-covered rocking chair, teasing our dog Mindy with pieces of his breakfast toast.  It had been a morning ritual.

            I did not see the newly varnished window seat in the dining room-I saw the faded wood and a black telephone sitting in one corner with the thin phone book underneath.  I saw the three large drawers under the large seat, one with coloring books, crayons and small toys, one with winter gloves and scarves and one with household supplies.

            I did not see the empty view from the kitchen window.  I saw the large spreading tree, now gone, with perfect branches, one of my sons sitting peacefully on the lowest.  I saw the large, L-shaped sandbox built by my husband, where my children played for hours, their bare feet hidden in the sand.  I saw my wonderful, now deceased, neighbor, Mrs. Gory, standing by her back door holding a loaf of her freshly made bread for us, waiting for one of my sons.

            I did not see the curtain covering the small window by the stairs.  I saw myself standing on the first step, checking on my children playing in the yard.  When they played football, I would holler, "Play touchy, not tackle," knowing that when I turned my head they tackled anyway.  When they would sled ride down the perfectly slanted hill, I would holler, "Steer toward the terrace, not the street."  I did not see the smooth grass in the lot.  I saw only four bare spots-home place and three bases.

           I did not see the freshly blacktopped driveway.  Instead, I heard the sound of our car crunching to rest on the loose gravel.

            I have read that it is to live twice when we can enjoy the recollections of our former lives.  We departed with a very satisfied, tender feeling.  I think somehow we were able to remember all the happy times on our sentimental journey.

Joanne Murray is my cousin.  She sent me a book her son made for her 75th Birthday.  It contained essays that Joanne had written.  In the interest of bias, I am definitely biased so let's get that out of the way.  But once you and I get passed my bias you come to realize as I have that these essays are something very special especially to her family and THAT IS THE POINT.  As I read them the one of many thoughts that crept into my mind was "why haven't I been doing this?"  Why indeed!  These are thoughts of a daughter, a granddaughter, a mother, a wife, a cousin (like in my case), an aunt etc.  Most who will read these essays have that in common with Joanne.  There are people you know who might enjoy knowing what you think and what experiences you have been exposed to.  Wouldn't it be nice if you let them know by writing them down as my cousin Joanne has done.  It's never too late to get started.  I will be posting them here about one a week and do so with Joanne's permission.  Hope you keep coming back.  Leave your comments below.    Jim "Gymbeaux" Brown

COFFEE TO GO

Coffee To Go

March 30, 2009

            "Two coffees and two biscuits, please, " I told the impersonal machine at McD's.  The usual scratchy, high-pitched scream answered with some unknown gibberish, which I presumed told me to move to the next window.  I did.  Retrieving my purchase, I drove on to my mother's apartment, where she was expecting me.  Condensing her treasures from a seven-room home to a three-room apartment, she had moved to a high rise.  A simple statement not beginning to describe the emotions that went into the change in her life.

            Entering the building with my coffee and biscuits, I spoke to several tenants about their problems of the day in the hall.  The floral smell always present in the building permeated the air-even when my mother left, it lingered on her clothing.  I pressed the elevator button and glanced around the hall.  The bulletin board proudly announced coming events and a Polaroid picture of an anxious new tenant.  Another area held multiple pictures of tenants in their younger years.  My mother's photo was one taken when she was about 20 years old.  Smiling into the camera, she wore a knee-length dress and was sitting sideways, her legs straight ahead, arms on the grass behind her.  I always loved to imagine what she must have been doing and thinking on that day.  The elevator arrived and up I went to the second floor.  I looked down the hall and her blond head was peeking out the door.  She was smiling, waiting for me.  I set the cardboard container on her bookcase beside my bronzed baby shoes that were her bookends.  Above her soft floral green love seat, recently purchased, was the romantic picture my husband and I had helped her select.  It was an old-fashioned painting of a beautiful women in a long flowing gown, sitting demurely on her chair, while a gentleman, possibly her lover, kneeling at her feet, looked lovingly at her.  We always tried to imagine that conversation taking place.  Mom sat in her favorite lounge chair by the sliding doors.  She had a small balcony where she could view the gardens the tenants were allowed to plant.  Her limited area was significant from the rest because she had planted an assortment flowers with a few rocks between for small stepping-stones.

            Her face, when I walked in, had shown a hint of disappointment.  However, she was smiling.  She had made a pot of coffee (she normally made instant for herself) and on the counter sat her special cups and saucers.  It was then I realized I had deprived her of her usefulness by bringing cardboard coffee and paper-wrapped biscuits packaged by an anonymous, impassive person.  We had our purchased coffee and biscuits and talked about the grandchildren, her concern about her recently diagnosed macro-degeneration and soothed ourselves by sharing our problems.  Then it was time to go.

            Sometimes, gazing at her cups, now in my cupboard, I think back to that day and chide myself for always wanting to be the giving person and not allowing her to enjoy that feeling herself as she grew older.  It was a small lesson learned at her expense.

Joanne Murray is my cousin.  She sent me a book her son made for her 75th Birthday.  It contained essays that Joanne had written.  In the interest of bias, I am definitely biased so let's get that out of the way.  But once you and I get passed my bias you come to realize as I have that these essays are something very special especially to her family and THAT IS THE POINT.  As I read them the one of many thoughts that crept into my mind was "why haven't I been doing this?"  Why indeed!  These are thoughts of a daughter, a granddaughter, a mother, a wife, a cousin (like in my case), an aunt etc.  Most who will read these essays have that in common with Joanne.  There are people you know who might enjoy knowing what you think and what experiences you have been exposed to.  Wouldn't it be nice if you let them know by writing them down as my cousin Joanne has done.  It's never too late to get started.  I will be posting them here about one a week and do so with Joanne's permission.  Hope you keep coming back.  Leave your comments below.    Jim "Gymbeaux" Brown

Simple Pleasures

Simple Pleasures

January 12, 2009

            Do you have your story this week?" son Mike questioned me.  Mike lives in Pittsburgh and is a much more advanced writer than I, but likes to encourage me.

            "Mike, I haven't had time"

            "Nothing should interfere with your writing.  Get busy, Lady." he laughed as he admonished me.

            Recently a gentleman caller, as my grandmother probably would say, has taken up some of my time.

            Ed was married to my very dear friend Gloria who passed away a while ago.  He was also a friend of my late husband.  Their daughter married our son, and we have two mutual granddaughters.

            Ed and I attend the same church and usually go to 5:30 mass on Saturdays. One snowy evening, Ed called and offered me a ride.  He and Gloria had often done that when conditions were bad.  The roads were icy that evening, so I gratefully accepted.  When we got to church, he sat in the section he and Gloria had always used, and I sat where Bill and I usually did.  We called it sitting with Bill and Gloria.

            After mass, Ed suggested coffee at The Cookery.  We shared many things during our conversation.  I had been a widow four years, and he was a recent widower.  I think I helped him deal with things a little better that night.  He also helped me.  We had both enjoyed 50 years of very good, solid marriage.  Gradually, we worked into a comfortable relationship.

            Recently, we made a trip to the Eastwood Mall to exchange a few presents.  We decided to make it sort of an adventure.  We slowly walked through the mall, noticing things we might ordinarily pass by.  Neither of us had been there for years, and we felt like country folk in the big city.  There was a large aquarium centrally located.

            "Let's look at the fish," I said as I walked toward the beautiful blue wall of water.  We paused to study the colorful uniqueness of each fish.

            "I wonder if when they mate, they select each other by color,"  I questioned.  "They are all so perfect.  We stood there quietly contemplating the life of a fish, then slowly proceeded on our way.

            I helped Ed select a winter jacket in Old Navy.  He probably wouldn't have gone into that store if I hadn't prodded him.  He found a perfect warm brown quilted coat on sale for $18.  Happy with his great find, we stepped to the checkout line.  The young clerk was very friendly and we carried on a brief conversation with her.  I told her we hadn't been to this mall for ages and were enjoying memories about the stores that had disappeared.

            "You don't remember the carousel, do you?" she asked.

            "Of course," I replied.

            "Goodness, I guess it has been a long time since you were here."

            We joked with her a few minutes more.

            "I'm so glad you were my first customers.  You are so pleasant and have made my day,"  she laughed as she handed Ed his package and receipt.

            We walked around a while, decided we were hungry and drove to The Olive Garden near the mall.  The hostess led us to a table.  We sat down, removed our coats, looked at each other and smiled.

            Our waitress brought us our water.  She smiled, and we spoke with her a minute, asking about her family.  She happily told us about her twin daughters.  As she walked away, I said to Ed, "Do you realize we have not met a mean person today.  Everyone has been so nice."  I paused thoughtfully a moment.  "Maybe that's because we are happy today."

            Ed smiled again, and we agreed we both enjoyed that simply outing.

            Last week I had to return some books to the library, accompanied by Ed.  He asked me if there was a way to look up old high school sports items.  We asked the young man at the desk, and he took us over to the microfiche viewer.  We had no idea what to do.

            "What year are you looking for?" he asked.

            Oh around 1949-50," Ed answered.  The boy unlocked a file case and searched for Ed's request.  The film was on a spool about 5" in diameter.  He showed us how to put it in the machine, then left us to play with it.  We fed the film under the glass and watched the screen in front of us as each page on the May 1950 Herald passed before us.

            We couldn't stop reading.  So many of the items in the paper we remembered.  We laughed at the ads and the prices of the merchandise.  Also, the many stores that are no longer here.  The microfiche goes back to the 1800's when the very first Herald was published.  We intended to return and view that next time.

            After the library visit, we went for coffee at the downtown McDonald's and sat at the front window peering out at State Street.  We sat in thoughtful silence, each of us painting our minds with times and places past.

            Both our lives have changed dramatically but we feel through our past pain and realize we have had very blessed lives.  We have seen good friends and family members leave us so rapidly and realize we need to live life fully and try to enjoy simple pleasures, as Ed say, "because we can."

Father, June 4, 2009

Joanne Murray is my cousin.  She sent me a book her son made for her 75th Birthday.  It contained essays that Joanne had written.  In the interest of bias, I am definitely biased so let's get that out of the way.  But once you and I get passed my bias you come to realize as I have that these essays are something very special especially to her family and THAT IS THE POINT.  As I read them the one of many thoughts that crept into my mind was "why haven't I been doing this?"  Why indeed!  These are thoughts of a daughter, a granddaughter, a mother, a wife, a cousin (like in my case), an aunt etc.  Most who will read these essays have that in common with Joanne.  There are people you know who might enjoy knowing what you think and what experiences you have been exposed to.  Wouldn't it be nice if you let them know by writing them down as my cousin Joanne has done.  It's never too late to get started.  I will be posting them here about one a week and do so with Joanne's permission.  Hope you keep coming back.  Leave your comments below.    Jim "Gymbeaux" Brown

Father

June 4, 2009

He was never a part of my life, although I thought of him often and yearned for his attention.  He was my father.  He and my mother separated when I was about 3 years old.  A memory has always stuck in my mind, and I believe it is one of my earliest.  I was standing in front of a floor model radio, playing with the dials and listening to the commotion behind me, which I have always believed was when my mother and I were leaving the apartment.  I remember a sense of something happening.

My mother and I moved in with her parents until she could find other living arrangements for us.  From then on I have only one memory of my father.  I was about 8 years old when he came to see my mother.  I don't remember anything about the visit, only seeing him standing in the doorway.  I know of only 2 gifts he gave me, a $25 war bond and later a gold locket with a rhinestone cross in the center.  My name was engraved on the back.  Years later, I mentioned to my husband that the clasp needed replaced.  He insisted on having it done for me.  When I asked him about it later, he sheepishly told me he lost it.

My mother, my grandmother, came to see me one Easter and brought me a basket.  I remember no interaction with any of them.

I forever dreamed of a dramatic reunion with him when I got older.  I would find him and announce, "I'm your daughter,"  He died at age 39.  I did not go to his funeral.

We were told he remarried and had a daughter named Mary Ann.  Somewhere I have a half sister.